


How To Seduce a Wizard

by AlyssHart



Series: Widofjord Week 2019 [1]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Day One, Fluff, M/M, Romance, Widofjord Week, mild pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-17
Updated: 2019-06-17
Packaged: 2020-05-13 11:21:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19250179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlyssHart/pseuds/AlyssHart
Summary: When Fjord's ideas on how to get a certain Wizard's attention in a romantic fashion fails he turns to his friends.Which works about as well as anyone expects.





	How To Seduce a Wizard

**Author's Note:**

> So I think I'm barely getting this in under the Day One "deadline" for Widofjord Week. 
> 
> Today's Theme is: Fluff or Pining. 
> 
> Technically I used (a little of) both. Title, and the fic itself, is based off Neil Gaiman's advice on how to seduce a writer.

"I honestly have no advice for you man," Beau said leaning back in her desk chair to look at the poor lump of half-orc currently face down in her bed, "I've only met one girl as oblivious as Caleb is when it comes to being romanced, and she's my roommate."

The muffled grumbling made up the last hour and a half of her day. Not that she minded the interruption when it saved her from "diligently" studying a book on Kryn history that she had managed to her hands on. Though reading about The Great Kobold Rebellion of some year or another was starting to look better and better compared to listening about Fjord's dating problems.

Or not-dating problems.

Beau was not the person to ask about anything to do with emotions like "love", or how to "woo" anyone. The etiquette tutors, of which there had been many, employed by the Lionette estate had only ever told her that her parents would pick an appropriate (male) suitor for her, and that her role in it was to keep her mouth shut while doing that fluttery eyelash bullshit.

Personal experience told her that a few bottles of stolen wine and an invitation to a quiet corner behind some boxes worked just fine.

"And you're sure the book thing didn't work?" Beau wasn't sure if the look on his face when he looked up at her was because he had been crying or was about to. Either way it wasn't his most attractive look.

"I handed him a book called 'Lacy and Racy', and asked if he wanted to read it together. He told me Jester had already let him borrow her copy, and handed it back to me," Fjord said.

At least Beau is pretty sure that's what he said. Between his drawl of his accent and the oncoming blubbering it was hard to decipher.

"You're worse than Essek. Remember when he did that fancy magic shit, and crafted Caleb a ruby shaped like a heart?," Beau said trying to avoid looking at the pity party happening on her sheets. Instead she found herself focusing on a very phallic looking cloud that Jester had painted on the ceiling. Beau thought she had found them all.

Maybe it was new.

"What's your point Beau?"

She didn't even have to turn around to know Fjord was glaring at her. His eyes were probably all narrowed and shit.

"Well, Caleb ended up using it in some spell, and told everyone that the guy was just trying to show him up. It was another three months before he actually gave up, so you gotta give him credit for trying," Beau did finally move around in the chair to actually look at Fjord head on, "What I'm trying to say is that for all the books he reads Caleb Widogast is an idiot when it comes to feelings."

For all that Fjord wanted to complain about Caleb he obviously didn't like Beau saying anything bad about him given the deadpan look of disapproval on his face. Gods, he was better than her father at that. It kinda made her want to apologize.

Kinda.

Especially when he just kept staring.

"I'm just saying you could probably start kissing him, and he'd think it was an accident. If you're serious about wanting to date that sort of mess you've just have to... tell him what you want," Beau said practically jumping into her chair," You can even do some fancy shit if you're serious about it. My mom called them Letter of Intent, and I can't even tell you how many of those fucking things I had to read from douches that wanted to marry the family fortune."

Fjord focused in on about half of what she said, but had clearly tuned out by the end. Beau could see it in the way his eyes glazed over like they did every time he had one of his stupid ideas.

Before she could say anything he was already off her bed and out the door with a, "ThanksgreatideaBeau."

Well, at least it wasn't her fault if he fucked things up, and made Caleb run away in panic. Which he probably would knowing Fjord, but, still, not her circus to deal with.

 

* * *

 

 

"You know Fjord," Jester said drawing out the first syllable of his name, "You could've just come to me in the first place if it was about romance. I'm obviously the only one in this house that knows anything about it. Obviously. I think it's So romantic that you're doing this for Caleb. You two are meant for each other. Of course, if it doesn't work out I met this really nice wind genasi at the market the other day when I was picking up more paint, and I think he could really blow you away if you know what I mean. I'll definitely ask him if he's sing-"

In the moment Beau's idea sounded really good, but after wasting probably a full gold piece of paper trying to get the words right he wasn't so sure. Which was the only reason Jester had gotten involved at all. She had come to ask him for something, and found him ready to cry, for the second time that day, surrounded by balled up letters.

"Yeah, uh, I don't think that'll be necessary Jess. I'll... keep it in mind though." Fjord definitely wouldn't, but he wouldn't tell her that. '

The less she tried to play matchmaker the better.

For everyone.

"Uh huh. Anyways it's so cute how much you love Caleb. It's like in The Forge of The Heart where Lila falls for Elise the town's blacksmith, but she can't tell her because Elise gets hired by The King to make him swords. So instead she trains a raven to take Elise a letter confessing her love all the way to the Capital. But before Elise can return to her Lila gets captured by The Thief Lord who's real-"

"That's real nice Jess, but about my letter?"

"Oh Yeah! I finished that like an hour ago. Also, I had Yasha take it to Caleb, so you couldn't chicken out," Jester's grin was wicked as she handed him what looked more like a card on thick paper than a letter, "But you can see the final draft so you know what you wrote to him after all." Looking it over Fjord had to give her points for the handwriting. It was better than anything he would've been able to do, but before he said so he noticed exactly what it said.

"Jester!" Fjord spluttered, "Please tell me you didn't seriously send this to him? With my name on it?!"

"Well," Jester started so slowly edge out of the study that she was also using as a painting room, "You did say to make sure to write something he definitely couldn't mistake for anything else. Unless he's really really stupid I don't think he'll have any issues understanding that. It's also not like it's nothing you don't want."

The door slammed shut as Fjord started for it. Whether to wring Jester's neck or make his own break for it he wasn't sure.

"Have fun tonight Fjord! Use Protection! I'm sure Caleb knows some spell for that!" Fjord heard from either down the hall or somewhere on the first level. The rest of the Xorhaus probably heard as well. Which was just as well since he probably wouldn't be escaping this anytime soon.

Maybe he could find one of those demon rifts and jump into it? Or there was that third temple to deal with. Not to mention whatever Deuces was dealing with.

Except... Caleb already had the letter, and knowing him he'd probably hunt down Fjord for an explanation if he didn't just face it head on. Worst case scenario he'd ask Caleb to use his giant magic cat paw to dig him a hole to jump in.

 

* * *

 

 

**YOU ARE INVITED TO A SEDUCTION**

_Please join me in the dining room tonight for dinner. Wear the kind of clothes you would like to be seduced in._

_Love, Fjord_

 

* * *

 

 

Fjord didn’t want to know how Caduceus got lassoed into helping, but when Fjord finally left his room he found that the table in the dining room (the one room they seldom used actually) had been set for two. Candlesticks that Fjord didn’t even know they had owned were pulled out, and the long tapers lit. Combined with the petals from flowers that definitely hadn’t grown in Roshona strewn across the surface it looked like something out of the books Jester was always talking about.

Like the ones that Caleb quietly liked.

Like the one Caleb was currently reading in his seat at the table.

“Uhh,” was all that came out of Fjord’s mouth.

His face was probably a darker, flushed, green than usual as he took in Caleb.

Caleb, who always looked good even covered in bat shit and mud, had obviously taken the pains to clean up. He knew that Caleb had ordered new clothes at some point, but Fjord had not been prepared to see what the man looked like in clothes that were actually tailored to him.

Caleb, for his part, was pink across his cheeks as looked up at Fjord, “You know, I was beginning to think that I was going to be stood up.”

“I would… It’s just - Jester wrote the note,” Fjord finally blurted out trying, and almost failing, to find actual words.

“Based on the fact that Yasha told me as such when she handed it to me I figured. Though does that mean I shouldn’t have planned for a… what was the word… ‘seduction’ tonight?” Caleb said with a wry smile on his face.

Which definitely shouldn’t have done as much to Fjord as it did, but by the gods’ good graces it did.

It was a good sign at least, better than the book that he definitely wasn’t about to bring up, and he wasn’t going to mess it up more so.

Instead, Fjord took a deep breath, steeling himself even as his throat bobbed, and pulled out his own chair. “I mean, there’s definitely a lot to talk about, but we could always work up to it,” Fjord said, with what he hoped was a dashing smile, “In the meantime it looks like Caddy made… something for dinner, and it’d be a waste not to enjoy it with some company.”

“I think anything would be better than this book if I’m being honest,” Caleb said reaching forward to pour wine into both of their glasses, “Something about a blacksmith. Definitely not as enjoyable as ‘Lacy and Racy’.

“Which I’m thinking we might need to read together after all.”

The look on Caleb’s face made Fjord cough on the wine he had just put in his mouth.

Maybe Caleb wasn’t as dense as he thought.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was brought to you by everyone in the Widofjord discord for cheering me on. 
> 
> I may revisit this fic at a later date for it to earn a Mature rating, but I'm not making any promises until after this week is over. 
> 
> As always reviews are what makes me want to churn out fics faster, but I appreciate everyone who even took the time to read.


End file.
